Stay Between Doubt and Belief

My Spirit Teacher shares gems of wisdom with me, but

It isn’t always easy for me to tell a gem from a rock.

I’m almost persuaded, a thousand times or more, that

He’s leading me on; setting me up to believe something

Is so because it seems to be so.

And then, as a master trickster might, almost without my

Noticing how, He reveals a fatal flaw in my thinking.

My mind’s comfort zone of smug awareness is suddenly

Shattered; my physical, intellectual, emotional, and even

My  spiritual worlds collapse together into a state that,

As some might say, you could peel me off the floor.

How does He do it? I don’t know, but He does, and yet,

Somehow I always seem to recover, after limping  as

From a field of battle, licking my wounds as an injured

Dog might, into solitude.

And, then, when I almost don’t care to ever believe in

Anything again, I seem to slip back into thinking certain

About something.

And then, once again; surely I would have learned by now,

That Spirit is watching and waiting, and almost luring me

On, fully prepared to set into motion; to launch yet

Another attack on my vulnerability to believe in  absolutes.

Envy Wants.

Spirit shares gems of wisdom.

Spirit tells me that our spiritual journey through
the illusion that is human life must pass through
many valleys of doubt and wind around dark mountains
and dense forests of insecurity and fear.

We will lose faith in ourselves and even in the existence
of our goal, again and again. But, we will move on and on,
for something stronger and surer than our own will prepares
the path we follow, as the wise ones have always assured us.

Trust in yourself, He tells me. Build confidence on
the awareness of having come as far as you have. How did
you do it? Not without help. All angels and spirit guides
are dedicated to our success. And, so, we can none of us
not succeed. It’s only a matter of …

Time?

Not time, for there is none, or none that can be accurately measured.

Then, when we each are ready?

Yes.

Then, how do I cope with my distress with myself for not
being able to become what I seem to know that I can become,
as quickly as I would like to?

What’s the hurry?

I seem to feel that I’m wasting precious time.

Compared to the progress of some others?

Perhaps.

Yes. The need to compete is not entirely socially conditioned.
It is part of our nature, but its natural purpose has been
distorted by social conditioning.

Doing our best can inspire others to do more than they might
otherwise do. It was not designed to diminish others. Likewise,

We should admire those who seem to ee able to do what we
cannot?

Yes. recognition of excellence is mutually beneficial.
It both expresses respect and inspires us, not necessarily
to be great, but to be the best that we can be. Envy is
neither emotionally nor spiritually a healthy state of mind.

Envy wants what other have without considering the price
some others may have paid for their success?

Yes.