Spirit asks me, What is it that we want
More than anything else?
I don’t know.
Then you need more suffering.
As punishment for not knowing?
No. As experience.
Why would I want to experience
Suffering? I thought freedom from
Suffering was the highest goal.
Freedom from suffering is not a
Goal in itself but a means
to an end.
What end?
Compassion and love.
.
Spirit asks me,
Do we move through Life or
Does Life move through us.
I am still me, even after
All these yeas, and yet,
Something has changed.
The physical part of me is
Certainly not as it once was, but
Even as it once was had changed
From an even earlier once was.
I remember being young, or
Was it a dream, a
Living dream.
I try to take care of myself,
And yet…
Perhaps my aging body was
Designed to fill a purpose
That I do not yet understand
When the curtain drops, will I
Still be me?
Perhaps in some future lifetime
I will become an artist, a pianist,
and a master gardener.
But, for now,
My easel is covered, as if to
Conceal my work in progress
From critical eyes, except
My own. My neighbours
Claim to admire the sounds of
My daily music practice.
They must have no ear for music.
I fill stacks of notebooks with
Ideas, but, none seem
To connect. Only my garden
Seems satisfied, more or less, and
Blesses my effort.
Spirit asks me to trust that
We (He and I) are doing it
Together. A cosmic joke?
Spirit tells me that
I cannot win against him, but
The struggle serves we well.
We must, He tells me,
Defend our beliefs
As long as we can, for,
All growth is the outcome of
Struggle.
Defend your position, He tells me,
But only while it seems to be
Worth defending.
Spirit asks me, as if I was
An intruder, Who are you?
Me.
What are you?
What am I?
I’m asking the questions.
What are you?
What kind of a mood is
My teacher in?
A materialized spirit, I guess.
What do you mean by, I guess?
Don’t you know?
No.
Yes.
Spirit tells me that,
As if I didn’t know,
We were not always
As we are, now, but
We must always have had
The potential to become
As we are now, and
If we had, and we did,
The unseen potential
To become as we are
Now, then,
What unseen potential
Do we now have that will
Manifest itself in our future?
Then Spirit asks me,
Is our past sending us
To our future, or
Is our future
Calling to us?
Spirit teaches me His own style of
Meditation. He does not accept that
Meditation should calm the mind..
Spirit seems to believe that
The mind should be agitated and
All dearly-held beliefs and
Understandings be put
Under attack, debated,
Challenged by His
Superior thought system.
When I tell people that
I meditate often, they ask
If it relaxes my mind and
Look disbelieving when
I tell them it exhausts me.
Focus, Spirit teaches, on whatever
Aspect of my understanding or beliefs
He has chosen to alter. Somehow
I begin with confidence that,
Since I have spent a lifetime
Seeking greater understanding of
Philosophical and spiritual
Principles, that I have nothing
More to learn. My arrogant
Confidence, He loves, and
Perhaps, delights all the more
In dissolving, one by one,
Precious truths..
I never surrender; I struggle
To the inevitable, it seems,
End. My defense, sooner or
Later, collapses, and I must,
With great reluctance,
Let it go, and accept
Spirit’s more logical and
Compassionate wisdom.
He wins, again.
Spirit is so patient with me, sometimes.
He sighs as He sees me reaching
Beyond, it seems, my mental capacity
To understand what He is trying
To teach me.
It is, He tells me, similar to
Reaching to take hold of
An apple in a tree. Sure,
There are those you could
Easily reach, but, that
Does not seem to be
Your style. You need
A challenge, and yet, it
Stresses you, knowing that
You can almost grasp it.
Perhaps, He suggests, if you
Stepped a little closer and
Then reached.
How do I step closer to concepts?
It’s not the same as reaching
For apples. Or is it?
Yes, and no, He replies.
With apples, you can visualize
Stepping closer. With concepts,
Try a similar strategy. You can
Accept that the idea appeals to
You, or not understanding it
Would cause you no stress.
Step closer, look closer, and
Then try to grasp it.
I tried His strategy. It didn’t work,
At least for me. I still can’t.
Perhaps you never will, but
To stop trying is not an option,
Not for you, nor me.
Spirit tells me that
There is no here and now.
Show me, He asks, point to here,
Point to now, on the clock.
Today, this, morning, tonight,
Yesterday and tomorrow make
Sense, from a so-called civilized
Society. Even then these terms are
Unstable and move as the Earth does,
And as the Universe moves, with
Intent beyond our understanding.
Spirit goes on to promise to
Correct me if I should ever use
Simplistic, nonsensical terminology
When communicating with him.
My Spirit Guru is teaching me
How to live in such a way as to
serve Life while serving myself
and others.
I feel both blessed and chosen, and yet
I also feel almost certain that
I have gone beyond my potential,
As well as my comfort zone,
And still there is no end in sight.
It is of no real consolation to me
When Spirit assures me that
There is no end.
Perhaps easy was never promised, but
I had a different idea of what this path
To enlightenment would be to travel.
A certain energy vibration impels me on.
It is as if my own energy is becoming
More and more interconnected with
An energy beyond my control.
Perhaps the truth is that, even if
I tried, I would not be able to quit, now.
And yet the struggle goes on.
and on.
Spirit tells me that struggle is
Necessary but, that’s not why
I do it, for, if the truth were told,
Much of my struggle seems to be
Not to move forward, but rather
To resist doing so.
I am not the person I was, when it
All began, and I seem to know that
I am not the person I will become,
And yet, at the same time, I am
And have always been, and will
Always be me.
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