Where do Expectations Come From?

Spirit tells me tht we deprive elderly people
of the simple pleasure of self-care when
we do for them what they only require
assistance doing for themselves.

They become the object of our care and then
they begin to lose the sense of self-worth
that self-care allowed them to experience
and express.

What if they are unable, even with assistance,
to care for themselves?

When they are dead?

Not physically dead.

Emotionally?

No. Not that either.

Then?

You’re setting me up.

Yes.

Then, please explain.

Explain what?

I have been a care-giver and have
personally assisted clients with
bathing and home care, but
I have never, as far as I know,
been anyone’s first experience
in receiving paid care from.

What has that to do with anything?

Clients have expectations of what
to expect from paid caregivers.

Where do their expectations
come from?

A social worker would have
assessed their needs and …

How?

By testing their performance level
of activities of daily living.
The results would be recorded
on a scale of from very well
to not at all.

The results of the assessment
would determine what assistance
the person being tested required?

Yes.

Have you ever personally known
any client assessed as requiring
partial assistance cleaning
her kitchen or bathroom?

It’s quicker for the caregiver to do
the job alone and the time she
or he is allotted to any one client
is limited.

Then, the client becomes the job
that is objectified;?

That sounds impersonal.

In today’s so-called health care
system, client care has become
very impersonal.

So, how can we improve it?

We can learn to care.

How?

The only way possible.

Personal experience?

Yes.

We each are as a personal history book.

Spirit shares words of wisdom.

Spirit tells me that knowing is not a matter of faith.
We know that wounds hurt for we have experienced
their pain, both physically and emotionally.

Physical pain is felt through our physical senses,
while emotional pain is a mental state, and is often
learned and developed through habit.

How do we learn emotional pain?

It is a socially acquired skill.

If you offend me and I feel distressed, then I have
learned to feel distressed, and you are not the cause?

Yes.

Who taught me?

You taught yourself

Then, everyone would feel offended for the same reason?

Not necessarily.

Why?

You could not offend me.

Perhaps you’ve developed immunity to offence.

There are other labels.

Such as?

Tolerance, patience, understanding, compassion –
the list goes on.

You did not include awareness.

Yes.

Why?

The examples I provided each require a certain
depth of awareness.

The problem with that approach, or at least
one problem, is that it would be seem to require
a certain detachment from the emotional state of
the offender, as well as oneself.

Why would that be a problem?

It would suggest a certain lack of sensitivity.

Not necessarily so.

Please explain.

As we becomes increasingly aware of the path,
then we can listen to what some might call offence
calmly, and feel compassion for the distress of
the other. As Confucius might say, “No blame”.

How is that possible?

As we develop ever-more clear vision we can see in
many more directions than one. The present arrived
from the past and we each are as a personal history
book that those who have eyes to see can read, and
we all can and will develop eyes that see, sooner or
later, and from a unique perspective.

I’m not ready for that quality of insight, yet.

Yes.

Double Pitfall is not facing problems

Spirit’s daily advice, using the ancient I Ching style of thought to explain life, in which all situations are seen to develop out of and into other situations, in a more or less foreseeable pattern. Spirit seems to dismiss the trendy thought of living in the now. The now, He tells me, developed out of the past and will strongly impact on the future.

Today’s focus is on the concept of I Ching 29 – Double Pitfall. Problems cannot be faced, dealt with, or overcome until they are recognized, identified, and studied.

Double Pitfall suggests danger; possibly preventable danger, as a result of self-defeating thinking, avoidance, or lack of wisdom or courage to face and challenge difficulties before they develop into situations beyond our control.

How can this reading possibly relate to me?

It possibly relates to every one of us.