Spirit tells me that a good mantra
To guide relationships is,”If
Someone is not playing fair,
May it not be me”. Of course,
This noble thought does not
Change the situation, and
If we find a need to recite it,
It has become an accusation,
An awareness that someone,
Not me, is not playing fair. But,
Perhaps I knew that, and it does not.
Solve the problem of relating to
Someone who does not play fair.
So, now what?
Who closes the doors that close
On our life and that leave the
Past behind, but in a way that
Doesn’t really let us cope with
Why the doors had to close?
It wasn’t my idea, or was it?
I was totally unaware, or was I,
Of the Price I would be paying,
Perhaps until the end of time,
To follow Spirit. How could I,
How can I explain that
I really had no choice, that
It seemed to be my destiny, and
Though not knowing what the price
Would be, I must have always
Known that, whatever it was,
I would pay. Perhaps not gladly,
But, I would pay.
Spirit tells me, gently,
Aware of my pain, that
The doors that seem to be
Closing, were never open,
For me, and that I somehow
Needed to believe that
They were, while knowing
In my soul, that I was just
Pretending, because
I needed to believe,
For whatever reason.
Spirit tells me that relationships
That never seem to change
In Quality, may still be of
Some value, without
Pretending any longer that
They only needed more time.
When they have reached
Their potential, time is
Not a factor.
I reluctantly agree with Spirit,
More or less, and yet,
To accept what never was but
Might have been…
What happens to all of the
Unfulfilled potential of
Our lives?
There is, Spirit assures me,
A quality accounting system
That carries potential
Over to future lifetimes.
.
Spirit asks me, What is it that we want
More than anything else?
I don’t know.
Then you need more suffering.
As punishment for not knowing?
No. As experience.
Why would I want to experience
Suffering? I thought freedom from
Suffering was the highest goal.
Freedom from suffering is not a
Goal in itself but a means
to an end.
What end?
Compassion and love.
.
Spirit asks me,
Do we move through Life or
Does Life move through us.
I am still me, even after
All these yeas, and yet,
Something has changed.
The physical part of me is
Certainly not as it once was, but
Even as it once was had changed
From an even earlier once was.
I remember being young, or
Was it a dream, a
Living dream.
I try to take care of myself,
And yet…
Perhaps my aging body was
Designed to fill a purpose
That I do not yet understand
When the curtain drops, will I
Still be me?
Perhaps in some future lifetime
I will become an artist, a pianist,
and a master gardener.
But, for now,
My easel is covered, as if to
Conceal my work in progress
From critical eyes, except
My own. My neighbours
Claim to admire the sounds of
My daily music practice.
They must have no ear for music.
I fill stacks of notebooks with
Ideas, but, none seem
To connect. Only my garden
Seems satisfied, more or less, and
Blesses my effort.
Spirit asks me to trust that
We (He and I) are doing it
Together. A cosmic joke?
Spirit tells me that
I cannot win against him, but
The struggle serves we well.
We must, He tells me,
Defend our beliefs
As long as we can, for,
All growth is the outcome of
Struggle.
Defend your position, He tells me,
But only while it seems to be
Worth defending.
Spirit asks me, as if I was
An intruder, Who are you?
Me.
What are you?
What am I?
I’m asking the questions.
What are you?
What kind of a mood is
My teacher in?
A materialized spirit, I guess.
What do you mean by, I guess?
Don’t you know?
No.
Yes.
Spirit tells me that,
As if I didn’t know,
We were not always
As we are, now, but
We must always have had
The potential to become
As we are now, and
If we had, and we did,
The unseen potential
To become as we are
Now, then,
What unseen potential
Do we now have that will
Manifest itself in our future?
Then Spirit asks me,
Is our past sending us
To our future, or
Is our future
Calling to us?
Spirit teaches me His own style of
Meditation. He does not accept that
Meditation should calm the mind..
Spirit seems to believe that
The mind should be agitated and
All dearly-held beliefs and
Understandings be put
Under attack, debated,
Challenged by His
Superior thought system.
When I tell people that
I meditate often, they ask
If it relaxes my mind and
Look disbelieving when
I tell them it exhausts me.
Focus, Spirit teaches, on whatever
Aspect of my understanding or beliefs
He has chosen to alter. Somehow
I begin with confidence that,
Since I have spent a lifetime
Seeking greater understanding of
Philosophical and spiritual
Principles, that I have nothing
More to learn. My arrogant
Confidence, He loves, and
Perhaps, delights all the more
In dissolving, one by one,
Precious truths..
I never surrender; I struggle
To the inevitable, it seems,
End. My defense, sooner or
Later, collapses, and I must,
With great reluctance,
Let it go, and accept
Spirit’s more logical and
Compassionate wisdom.
He wins, again.
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